Two married people are as about as happy as they collectively decide to be . . . IF they know the tiny handful of marriage secrets telling how to be happy. As any social worker will tell you, the three main causes of marital strife are problems with money , sex and communication .
Marriage secrets & communication
I once knew a couple who confessed that for 19 years their marriage had been less than mediocre. Let’s call them Joe and Sally.
The Five Love Languages
But then they read the book The Five Love Languages by Dr. Gary Chapman. Their marriage became so good that they began inviting married couples to their home to teach them about happy marriages.
Before they read the book, Joe used to touch Sally lots. That was because his main love language was touch. He expressed his love through touch.
Before they read the book, Sally used to do all sorts of little favours for Joe. That was because her main love language was acts of service. She expressed her love through acts of service.
After they read the book, they realized that they had to get to know their spouse’s main love language and use it lots. That’s how their marriage became so wonderful.
Imagine two people getting married when he speaks only English and she speaks only Spanish. They will have trouble getting their ideas across.
The same is true about not knowing your spouse’s love language. You have trouble getting your love ideas across. And people need to be told that they are loved every day.
The five love languages are
Acts of service
Receiving a gift and
Words of affirmation.
Get to know your spouse’s top two love languages and use them lots every day.
Probability of Divorce
The Focus on the Family people once published a survey on divorce in America. They published the odds of couples getting a divorce when various scenarios existed in their lives.
For instance, what were the odds of a couple getting a divorce if they had been married by a justice of the peace? Or, what were the odds of a couple getting a divorce if they had been married in a church?
In among these scenarios was one very interesting statistic. Among the groups, this class of couple had by far the lowest probability of ever getting a divorce. The logical conclusion is that this class of couple most likely often had amazingly wonderful marriages. The probability of ever getting a divorce was one in a thousand.
A Simple Solution
And this is what set these couples apart from all the rest: They prayed out loud together every day. If you combine that with reading the Bible out loud together every day, the probability of having an amazingly wonderful marriage gets even better.
How do you pray?
How do you pray? Prayer is just conversation with God. Tell him what you are thankful for, what is on your mind and what your pressing needs are. (After you have developed the habit of prayer long enough, you will learn to hear God’s voice. But, that is beyond the scope of this website.)
Mention the name of Jesus. There is power in that name. This means that you are praying under the authority of Jesus Christ.
What if you don’t believe in prayer? Pretend it works. It will improve your marriage. If you don’t believe it works, that does not mean that it does not work. So, pray as if you believed in it. After a while, prayers will be answered.
Marriage secrets & the best marriage manual
The best marriage manual ever written is the Holy Bible. It is absolutely filled with wisdom that will help your marriage. For instance, I Peter 3:7 says, “Husbands, treat your wives with courtesy and respect so that your prayers will not go unanswered.”
If you meditate on that long enough, you will realize that you should try to treat your spouse with courtesy and respect every minute of every day. Then you can expect the quality of your marriage to improve.
Marriage secrets & Communication
Communication will improve because you do not have many negative emotions. Negative emotions are a barrier to communication. Your sex life will improve for the same reason and also because you want to be kinder to each other. In many cases your income will increase because you do not have so many negative emotions that make you work inefficiently.
Get in the habit of reading two pages of the Old Testament and two pages of the New Testament out loud together every day. Alternate paragraphs so that you are forced to pay attention. Just watch the quality of your marriage rise.
Marriage secrets & Sex
Male sexuality is about the weirdest thing that God ever invented. Ladies, you must understand that men need it. It is your responsibility to make sure he is not too frustrated. Just assume that it is impossible to have a happy marriage unless your husband is satisfied with his sex life.
And men, part of the equation for having an excellent sex life is to treat your wife with courtesy and respect every minute of every day.
Marriage secrets & money
Men, you must understand that women need it. In our culture, the men are usually responsible for making sure the household earns enough money. Security is incredibly important to the wives, men.
Random words of wisdom
♦ If none of the above works, you may have to read about orphan spirits.
♦ Be very fast to say that you are sorry.
♦ No one is perfect. Expect your spouse to make mistakes now and then. Do not hold it against them.
♦ Hang in there; never give up.
♦ “Do not let the sun go down on your anger.” I.e., always work problems out before you go to sleep at night.
The author of this article has been married for several decades and loves practically every minute of it.
Like other married men, he had his share of marital problems. But, He had made a until death do us part commitment. He decided to figure out how to work things out.
At one point he decided that sixty seconds without love is one minute down the toilet. So, he tried to figure out how to make every minute of being married a happy experience. For all practical purposes, he succeeded.
Now he and his wife are an example to many other people showing them how an amazingly wonderful marriage. He brags a lot about how wonderful his wife is.
When someone asks how can I save my marriage?, a good reply would be well, just look at those two.